Arthur Smith Quotes

On paper, England are a good cricket team.The trouble is they play on grass.

When they meet a stand-up comic, people sometimes remark: ‘That must be the hardest job in the world.’ Among comedians, only Freddie Starr is not embarrassed and slightly appalled by this remark.

When synchronised swimming first appeared on TV, we laughed very heartily, and I, for one, applauded the decision to introduce humour into the Olympics.

When I was eight or nine, I wrote a new version of ‘Peter Pan’ for the school play. They didn’t use it – I imagine it was unperformable – but as recompense for not doing my script, I was offered any role, and instinctively went for Captain Hook. I came on trying to be terrifying, but everyone laughed at me.

When a writer dies you get a higher standard of obituary.

Theatricals can be irritating, but will provide a better night out than mobile phone salespeople.