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• I’m not a standup. I don’t really have jokes. I don’t have 10 minutes. It took a while for me to realize this.

  Julia Sweeney

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Jokes

• Kissing the frog to get the prince is a waste of a perfectly good frog.

  Jim Benton

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  Tags in Jokes

• I’m really bad at writing jokes.

  Glenn Howerton

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Jokes, Bad

• A joke is a question of mind over manner.

  Anthony Marais

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Jokes

• One can always come up with funny lists and jokes. You know what? I take it back. Not everyone can always come up with funny lists and some jokes. I’m very lucky to have a gift where I can do that pretty ably.

  John Hodgman

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Pretty, Jokes

• People see me laughing and telling jokes, but they had no idea after the show was over, I had no joy in my life, in my heart.

  Steve Harvey

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  Tags in Laughing, Jokes

• I tell jokes for a check; I’m on TV for a check.

  Steve Harvey

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  Tags in Check, Jokes

• I was always Armie. There couldn’t be a 90-year-old Armand and a 9-day-old one. And I heard enough jokes about baking soda.

  Armie Hammer

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Heard, Jokes

• Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars. Even the longest jokes are better than the shortest wars.

  George Mikes

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  Tags in Aggressive, Jokes

• I’m not big on fat jokes. That’s a little beneath me. I’m not a huge fan of making a joke – and as I say this, I’m sure I do it – completely at someone else’s expense.

  Michael Showalter

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  Tags in Jokes, Huge

• A lot of my humor centers on the act of telling jokes and I think this can prevent certain audiences from suspending their feeling of disbelief. It might piss a few people off, but I can’t help it.

  Michael Showalter

  Topics in Humor

  Tags in Disbelief, Jokes

• I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.

  Amy Schumer

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  Tags in Jokes

• I feel very comfortable in my own skin. When someone makes jokes about me being heavy, it makes me mad. It’s not true. I’m right where I should be.

  Amy Schumer

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  Tags in Skin, Jokes

• I love to write jokes and that’s all I think about.

  Rita Rudner

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  Tags in Jokes

• As soon as a roast is announced, I get everybody – family, friends, waitresses, cab drivers – giving me jokes about the person getting roasted. I’m the mouthpiece for the masses.

  Jeff Ross

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  Tags in Jokes, Roast

• I went to a restaurant that serves “breakfast at any time”. So I ordered French Toast during the Renaissance.

  Steven Wright

  Topics in Funny, Humor

  Tags in Restaurants, Jokes

• I’ve always wondered, what am I going to do that’s important with these stupid jokes that I tell.

  Ray Romano

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  Tags in Wondered, Jokes

• I like situational comedy when people are being completely serious and yet you can find something extremely funny, not jokes.

  Bruce Robinson

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  Tags in Serious, Jokes

• My whole life, I’ve been telling jokes.

  Brad Garrett

  Topics in Life

  Tags in Jokes

• I have an airplane hangar with 17 cars in it. That’s no joke. I have a ‘half pipe’ in there, too – you know, like a big ramp, where I skateboard. It’s awesome. It’s the ultimate fantasy.

  Paul Walker

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in Jokes