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• An Englishman does not joke about such an important matter as a bet.

  Jules Gabriel Verne

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  Tags in Joke

• I have a new joke today. Martha Stewart’s on suicide watch. They had to unplug all of her ovens.

  Rip Taylor

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• I’m very wary of doing political stuff for a lot of reasons. One of the big ones is that the shelf-life for them is not very long, and the joke becomes old news very quickly.

  Tim Heidecker

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  Tags in Reasons, Joke

• People come up to me on the street and make some little joke – like they’ll say, ‘Excuse me, sir, what time is it?’ And I’ll say, you know, ‘5:15,’ and they’ll say, ‘Hey! Made you talk!’ And that’s merely a way of saying, ‘I know your work and I like you.’

  Raymond Joseph Teller

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  Tags in Hey, Joke

• I do things, and other people laugh at them. I rarely know what the joke is supposed to be or why they’re laughing.

  Wallace Shawn

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  Tags in Joke, Laughing

• Death’s an old joke, but each individual encounters it anew.

  Ivan Turgenev

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  Tags in Old, Joke

• Whenever I walk off the golf course, I thank God that I’m able to tell a joke. I thank God I’m good at something.

  Ray Romano

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  Tags in Joke, Whenever

• After a while, a joke, if you say it too much, just becomes contrived, or fake-sounding.

  Dave Chappelle

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• I think when you dissect a joke too much, you have ruined whatever there is in comedy.

  Bob Saget

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• When you’re going for a joke, you’re stuck out there if it doesn’t work. There’s nowhere to go. You’ve done the drum role and the cymbal clash and you’re out on the end of the plank.

  Bob Newhart

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• When you tell an Iowan a joke, you can see a kind of race going on between his brain and his expression.

  Bill Bryson

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• I have jokes I’ve told before and will tell again, but my favorite part of the night is talking to the crowd.

  Paula Poundstone

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  Tags in People, Joke

• I don’t consider myself a comedian because I don’t really concern myself too much with jokes.

  Paul Rudd

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  Tags in Myself, Joke

• Sex is God’s joke on human beings.

  Bette Davis

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  Tags in Joke, Sex

• The girl-next-door image is a sort of joke; for years, I couldn’t get any roles other than as somebody dark.

  Felicity Kendal

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  Tags in Door, Joke, Somebody

• My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my brother Ed. As a child, I just absorbed everything they said, and I was always in competition for the laughs.

  Stephen Colbert

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• Comedy is just to me, maybe it’s a natural knack, if I can see where the joke is in the writing and I can see where the setup is and I can tell this is the way to make it.

  Matt LeBlanc

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  Tags in Knack, Joke

• I think that the joke and the ghost story both have a similar set up in that you kind of set something up and pay it off with a laugh or a scare.

  Simon Pegg

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  Tags in Ghost, Joke

• The joke or the pratfall is easy for me to do.

  Sandra Bullock

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  Tags in Easy, Joke

• I’m not a great joke writer, which is odd for a comic to say, but I’m not.

  Lewis Black

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  Tags in Comic, Writer, Odd, Joke