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• It’s wildly irritating to have invented something as revolutionary as sarcasm, only to have it abused by amateurs.

  Christopher Moore

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• I hate guns, I think they’re the worst thing ever invented.

  Rutger Hauer

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• Surely the ass who invented the first religion ought to be the first ass damned.

  Mark Twain

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• The truth is nobody can own anything. That was an unheard-of concept among indigenous people. We invented that.

  Tom Shadyac

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• Your car should drive itself. It’s amazing to me that we let humans drive cars… It’s a bug that cars were invented before computers.

  Eric Schmidt

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• It is not possible to overstate the influence of Paul Cezanne on twentieth-century art. He’s the modern Giotto, someone who shattered one kind of picture-making and invented a new one that the world followed.

  Jerry Saltz

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• Many of the technologies we’ve invented are necessary to keep 6.5 billion people alive. We can’t go back from that, so we need to decarbonize really rapidly.

  Kim Stanley Robinson

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• I was a lousy journalist. I could never be objective. Sometimes I invented the whole story.

  Isabel Allende

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• School shootings were invented by blacks… and stolen by the white man.

  Chris Rock

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• Ping-pong was invented on the dining tables of England in the 19th century, and it was called Wiff-waff! And there, I think, you have the difference between us and the rest of the world. Other nations, the French, looked at a dining table and saw an opportunity to have dinner; we looked at it an saw an opportunity to play Wiff-waff.

  Boris Johnson

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• God invented mankind because he loved silly stories.

  Ralph Steadman

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• But for me, it was a code I myself had invented! Yet I could not read it.

  Erno Rubik

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• Maybe my caveman ancestors invented the wheel or something. I’m not sure.

  Brendan Fraser

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• The first of these phases is that of grammar, invented by the Greeks and carried on unchanged by the French. It never had any philosophical view of a language as such.

  Ferdinand de Saussure

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• God invented concubinage, satan marriage.

  Francis Picabia

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• Henry is entirely invented though by now I feel he’s as real as anyone I know.

  Sue Grafton

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• Anyone wishing to communicate with Americans should do so by e-mail, which has been specially invented for the purpose, involving neither physical proximity nor speech.

  Auberon Waugh

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• Triple tonguing? It was sort of invented. It wasn’t in the script. It was something that I came up with.

  Famke Janssen

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• But Sergio Leone invented totally the way of, you know, the details, the eyes, the hands – fantastic.

  Claudia Cardinale

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• There is only one cure for gray hair. It was invented by a Frenchman. It is called the guillotine.

  P. G. Wodehouse

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