Humour Quotes

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• Nothing great is ever accomplished by following standards.

  Geoffroy Birtz

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• You may look normal like everyone else, but you’re not. Not on the inside.

  Vera Brosgol

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• Does that mean that if we shave all the Ob’enn they’ll be nice?

  Howard Tayler

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• It’s a sad day for American Capitalism when a man can’t fly a midget on a kite over central park.

  Jim Moran

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• I’ll leave you two alone. Morality might be contagious.

  Howard Tayler

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• When the enemy of my enemy is willing to use plasma weapons inside a hotel, I think I can do better than stupid aphorisms, General.

  Howard Tayler

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• As long as we only have to lie to the enemy, it’s honest enough for me.

  Howard Tayler

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• A despairing arse will never produce a happy fart.

  Ralph Tegtmeier

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• The definition of Brevity: That which people believe would be a virtue – in me!

  Greg Curtis

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• Ah! The English language was a wonderful thing! You could always find the right word. He only wished he could speak the language.

  Terry Jones

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• We could all use the power of prayer now and then, but it seems to me that the people who are sure they have a direct line to heaven are most often calling collect with bad news.

  Mark Abramson

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• In my time first cousins did not meet like strangers. But we are learning modesty from the Americans, and old English ways are too gross for us.

  Joseph Sheridan Le Fanu

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• Never be a pioneer. It’s the early Christian that gets the fattest lion.

  Hector Hugh Munro

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• S*x doesn’t interfere with your tennis; it’s staying out all night trying to find it that affects your tennis.

  Andre Agassi

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• Well, some men learn by listening, some read, some observe and analyze and some of us just have to pee on the electric fence.

  Spider Robinson

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• For any given problem, if there’s a simple solution it will already have been applied. So, perhaps, the solution isn’t as simple as you think.

  Stuart Aken

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• If you count sheep before you go to sleep, are you barrrrr’d from dreams?

  Benny Bellamacina

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• She’d never known a man whose initial move was to undress the woman he wanted.

  Tara Janzen

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• I learned long ago that it is considered rude to vomit on your brother.

  George R.R. Martin

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• Evil influence is like a nicotine patch, you cannot help but absorb what sticks to you.

  E.A. Bucchianeri

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