Humorous Quotes

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• Remember, you’re unique. And so is everyone else.

  Jill Shalvis

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Humorous

• Note to self-give serious thought to becoming an alcoholic.

  Jill Shalvis

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Humorous

• Accept that some days you’re the bug, and some days you’re going to be the windshield.

  Jill Shalvis

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  Tags in Humorous

• If it’s going to be two against one, make sure you aren’t the one.

  Jill Shalvis

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  Tags in Humorous

• It’s frustrating when you know all the answers, but nobody bothers to ask you the questions.

  Jill Shalvis

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Humorous

• If everything is coming your way, you’re in the wrong lane.

  Darynda Jones

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Humorous

• Lead me not into temptation. I can find it myself.

  Darynda Jones

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  Tags in Humorous

• As a purely mathematical fact, people who sleep less live more.

  Amy Chua

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Humorous

• My dad is a very quick-witted, sarcastic, dry, humorous guy, whereas my mom’s very silly, and that side of the family is very musical.

  Tim Heidecker

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Dry, Humorous

• A literary academic can no more pass a bookstore than an alcoholic can pass a bar.

  Carolyn Heilbrun

  Topics in Humor

  Tags in Humorous, Books

• Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man is living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

  George Carlin

  Topics in Humor, Religion

  Tags in Humorous

• Do you remember back at the hotel when you promised that if we lived, you’d get dressed up in a nurse’s outfit and give me a sponge bath?asked Jace.
  It was Simon who promised you the sponge bath.
  As soon as I’m back on my feet, handsome,said Simon.
  I knew we should have left you a rat.

  Cassandra Clare

  Topics in Humor

  Tags in Humorous

• Death’s got an Invisibility Cloak? Harry interrupted again.So he can sneak up on people, said Ron. Sometimes he gets bored of running at them, flapping his arms and shrieking.

  J. K. Rowling

  Topics in Death, Humor

  Tags in Humorous

• They gave 12 monkeys a typewriter for a week, and after a week, they only used it as a bathroom.

  Robin Ince

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in Humorous

• Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don’t get sick you’re missing half the fun.

  Flip Wilson

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Fun, Missing, Humorous

• Look at Gleason in The Honeymooners. He was humorous but the way he lived wasn’t really humorous. He was a bus driver. Who wants to be a bus driver? He didn’t have any money and he was not famous. But despite that, the show is humorous.

  George Thorogood

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Humorous, Person

• I’ve always tried to explore the humorous aspects of life.

  Ted Lange

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Explore, Humorous, Aspect

• Since we have to speak well of the dead, let’s knock them while they’re alive.

  John French Sloan

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Humorous, Knock

• Am I still in uniform? Then I ain’t retired.

  Peter Edward Rose Sr.

  Tags in Retired, Uniform, Humorous

• I can imagine no more comfortable frame of mind for the conduct of life than a humorous resignation.

  W. Somerset Maugham

  Tags in Resignation, Humorous