Rodney Dangerfield Quotes

• My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

• I came from a real tough neighborhood. Why, every time I shut the window I hurt somebody’s fingers.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in Humour

• A girl phoned me the other day and said… ‘Come on over, there’s nobody home.’ I went over. Nobody was home.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Girl, Home

• I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in Real

• I drink too much. The last time I gave a urine sample it had an olive in it.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Last, Drink

• I have good looking kids. Thank goodness my wife cheats on me.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Wife, Kids

• I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Face, Reading

• I told my wife the truth. I told her I was seeing a psychiatrist. Then she told me the truth: that she was seeing a psychiatrist, two plumbers, and a bartender.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Humor, Truth

  Tags in Wife

• I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous – everyone hasn’t met me yet.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Everyone, ridiculous

• I told my dentist my teeth are going yellow. he told me to wear a brown tie.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Wear, Teeth

• I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Myself, Girl

• I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Father, Humor

  Tags in Remember, Humour

• I met the surgeon general – he offered me a cigarette.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Met, Offered

• Yeah, I know I’m ugly… I said to a bartender, ‘Make me a zombie.’ He said ‘God beat me to it.’

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in God

  Tags in Ugly

• With my wife I don’t get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to ‘the best woman a man ever had.’ The waiter joined me.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Respect

  Tags in Wife

• With me, nothing goes right. My psychiatrist said my wife and I should have s*x every night. Now, we’ll never see each other!

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Sex, Wife

• When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Parents, Kid

• What a kid I got, I told him about the birds and the bee and he told me about the butcher and my wife.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Wife, Kid

• We sleep in separate rooms, we have dinner apart, we take separate vacations – we’re doing everything we can to keep our marriage together.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Sleep, Everything

• This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.

  Rodney Dangerfield

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Morning

Rodney Dangerfield (54)

Birth:	22nd November, 1921
Death:	5th October, 2004
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Actor, Comedian

About

Rodney Dangerfield was an American comedian, and actor, known for the catchphrase "I don't get no respect!," and his monologues on that theme. He is also remembered for his 1980s film roles, especially in Easy Money, Caddyshack, and Back To School.

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Births

• 1721 - Roger Sherman
• 1931 - Lonnie Donegan
• 1932 - King Hu
• 1875 - Rafael Sabatini
• 1957 - Daniel Day-Lewis

Deaths

• 1997 - Mike Royko
• 1951 - Ludwig Wittgenstein
• 2008 - Albert Hofmann
• 1993 - Mick Ronson
• 2005 - Mel Gussow