Robert Orben Quotes

• Spring is God’s way of saying, ‘One more time!’

  Robert Orben

  Topics in God

  Tags in Time, Spring

• Older people shouldn’t eat health food, they need all the preservatives they can get.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Health

  Tags in Get, Eat, Need, Food, Older

• Do you ever get the feeling that the only reason we have elections is to find out if the polls were right?

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Feeling, Reason, Find

• I take my children everywhere, but they always find their way back home.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Children

  Tags in Home, Find

• Planned obsolescence is not really a new concept. God used it with people.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in God

  Tags in People, Really

• Inflation is bringing us true democracy. For the first time in history, luxuries and necessities are selling at the same price.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Democracy, History

  Tags in Time, Price

• Don’t think of it as failure. Think of it as time-released success.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Failure, Success

  Tags in Think, Time

• Time flies. It’s up to you to be the navigator.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Time

• If you can laugh together, you can work together.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Work

  Tags in Laugh

• A graduation ceremony is an event where the commencement speaker tells thousands of students dressed in identical caps and gowns that ‘individuality’ is the key to success.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Success

  Tags in Ceremony, Graduation

• With my luck, if I ever invested in General Motors, they’d bust it to Corporal!

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Luck

  Tags in General, Corporal

• Quit worrying about your health. It will go away.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Health

  Tags in Quit

• Never raise your hand to your children – it leaves your midsection unprotected.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Children

• Life was a lot simpler when what we honored was father and mother rather than all major credit cards.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Father, Life, Mother

  Tags in Credit

• Inflation is the crabgrass in your savings.

  Robert Orben

  Tags in Inflation

• Don’t smoke too much, drink too much, eat too much or work too much. We’re all on the road to the grave — but there’s no need to be in the passing lane.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Advice, Funny

Robert Orben (36)

Birth:	4th March, 1927
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Writer

About

Robert Orben is best known as an American professional comedy writer, though he also worked as a speechwriter for Gerald R. Ford and as a magician. He has written multiple books on comedy, mostly collections of gags and "one-liners" originally written for his newsletter, Orben's Current Comedy, and he has also written books for magicians.

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Today's Anniversary - 10th April

Births

• 1952 - Steven Seagal
• 1941 - Paul Theroux
• 1981 - Michael Pitt
• 1929 - Max von Sydow
• 1755 - Samuel Hahnemann

Deaths

• 2010 - Dixie Carter
• 1962 - Michael Curtiz
• 2004 - Ben Pimlott
• 1876 - Alexander Turney Stewart
• 1975 - Walker Evans