Robert Orben Quotes

• Most people want to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Humor

• Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States. Ask any Indian.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Politics, Truth

  Tags in United, Problem, Humour

• What bothers me about TV is that it tends to take our minds off our minds.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Minds, Tv, Television
• 

  Smart is when you believe half of what you hear. Brilliant is when you know which half.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Smart, Brilliant

• In prehistoric times, mankind often had only two choices in crisis situations: fight or flee. In modern times, humor offers us a third alternative; fight, flee – or laugh.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Laugh, Time, Often, Choice

• Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that’s not true. Some of the smaller countries are neutral.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in World, Feeling, Sometimes, Deep

• More than ever before, Americans are suffering from back problems: back taxes, back rent, back auto payments.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Suffering

  Tags in Problems, American

• Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in America, Work

  Tags in List, Forbes, Up, Richest, Get, Go, Through, Every, Look, Day

• A vacation is having nothing to do and all day to do it in.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Day

• Love is so confusing – you tell a girl she looks great and what’s the first thing you do? Turn out the lights!

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Great, Tell, Looks

• Every morning I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I’m not there, I go to work.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in America, Work

  Tags in Morning, Look

• Do your kids a favor – don’t have any.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Favor, Kids

• There are days when it takes all you’ve got just to keep up with the losers.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Just

• To err is human – and to blame it on a computer is even more so.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Computer

  Tags in Human

• There’s so much pollution in the air now that if it weren’t for our lungs there’d be no place to put it all.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Pollution, Place

• Washington is a place where politicians don’t know which way is up and taxes don’t know which way is down.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Washington, Place

• I got a Valentine’s Day card from my girl. It said, ‘Take my heart! Take my arms! Take my lips!’ Which is just like her. Keeping the best part for herself.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Best, Heart, Like, Valentines Day

• Every speaker has a mouth; An arrangement rather neat. Sometimes it’s filled with wisdom. Sometimes it’s filled with feet.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Wisdom

  Tags in Arrangement, Sometimes

• Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in People, Like, Temptation

• Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.

  Robert Orben

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Broke, Public, Taste

Robert Orben (36)

Birth:	4th March, 1927
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Writer

About

Robert Orben is best known as an American professional comedy writer, though he also worked as a speechwriter for Gerald R. Ford and as a magician. He has written multiple books on comedy, mostly collections of gags and "one-liners" originally written for his newsletter, Orben's Current Comedy, and he has also written books for magicians.

Related Authors

• Lesley Visser
• Samuel McChord Crothers
• Virginia Woolf
• Joshua Hartzell
• Michael Mejia
• Aaron Allston
• Sid Caesar
• Ali Smith
• Jane Welsh Carlyle
• Juan Mascaró

Advertisement

Today's Anniversary - 8th April

Births

• 1955 - Barbara Kingsolver
• 1962 - Evan Davis
• 1981 - Taylor Kitsch
• 1892 - Mary Pickford
• 1937 - Seymour Hersh

Deaths

• 1981 - Omar Nelson Bradley
• 2007 - Sol LeWitt
• 1936 - Robert Barany
• 1997 - Laura Nyro
• 1990 - Ryan White