Rita Rudner Quotes

• To attract men, I wear a perfume called “New Car Interior.”

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Men

• They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it’s very busy, when they have one.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Except, Usually, Busy

• The word ‘aerobics’ came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we’re going to charge $10 an hour, we can’t call it Jumping up and down.

  Rita Rudner

  Tags in Charge

• The time you spend grieving over a man should never exceed the amount of time you actually spent with him.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Spend, Time

• Someday I want to be rich. Some people get so rich they lose all respect for humanity. That’s how rich I want to be.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Humanity, Humor, Respect

  Tags in Want

• Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire?

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Women, Better, Looks

• Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it’s quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Stupid

  Tags in Opposite, Woman, Think

• Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Mother

  Tags in Build

• My husband and I are either going to buy a dog or have a child. We can’t decide whether to ruin our carpet or ruin our lives.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Ruin

• My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Woman, Just

• My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Broke, Wanted, Married

• Most turkeys taste better the day after, my mother’s tasted better the day before.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Better

• Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Better, Marriage, Men

• Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Secretly, Bathroom, Men

• Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in God

  Tags in Women, Feeling, Men

• Marriages don’t last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Children

  Tags in Meet, Myself, Marriage

• It wasn’t that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Tell

• I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Picasso, Until

• I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Until

• I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don’t even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Want, Friends, Good

Rita Rudner (50)

Birth:	17th September, 1953
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Actress, Comedian, Writer

About

Rudner was born in Miami, Florida, the daughter of Frances, a homemaker, and Abe Rudner, a lawyer. Her mother died when she was 13. After graduating from high school at 15, Rudner left Miami and headed to New York City to embark on a career as a dancer.

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Today's Anniversary - 8th January

Births

• 1823 - Alfred Russel Wallace
• 1967 - Robert Sylvester Kelly
• 1947 - Samuel Schmid
• 1934 - Alexandra Ripley
• 1824 - William Wilkie Collins

Deaths

• 1941 - Robert Baden-Powell
• 1998 - Michael Tippett
• 1942 - Joseph Franklin Rutherford
• 1980 - Joshua Abraham Norton