Rita Rudner Quotes

• Men who consistently leave the toilet seat up secretly want women to get up to go the bathroom in the middle of the night and fall in.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Secretly, Bathroom, Men

• Men who have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage – they’ve experienced pain and bought jewelry.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Better, Marriage, Men

• In Hollywood a marriage is a success if it outlasts milk.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Success

  Tags in Hollywood, Outlasts, Marriage, Milk

• Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’ On what? On fire?

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Women, Better, Looks

• We’ve begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet – so we bought a dog. Well, it’s cheaper, and you get more feet.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Feet, Little

• My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn’t want him to.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Broke, Wanted, Married

• Marriages don’t last. When I meet a guy, the first question I ask myself is: is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Children

  Tags in Meet, Myself, Marriage

• I got kicked out of ballet class because I pulled a groin muscle. It wasn’t mine.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Kicked

• My grandmother was a very tough woman. She buried three husbands and two of them were just napping.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Woman, Just

• A man will go to war, fight and die for his country. But he won’t get a bikini wax.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Country

  Tags in War, Man

• When I eventually met Mr. Right I had no idea that his first name was Always.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Eventually, Idea

• It wasn’t that no one asked me to the prom, it was that no one would tell me where it was.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Tell

• Neurotics build castles in the air, psychotics live in them. My mother cleans them.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Mother

  Tags in Build

• They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it’s very busy, when they have one.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Except, Usually, Busy

• I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Life, Love

  Tags in Great, Person

• I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Poodles, Members, Cult, Religious, Wonder, Other, Think, Weird

• I love to shop after a bad relationship. I don’t know. I buy a new outfit and it makes me feel better. It just does. Sometimes I see a really great outfit, I’ll break up with someone on purpose.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Love

  Tags in Purpose, Relationship

• I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Until

• I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor’s office was full of portraits by Picasso.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Picasso, Until

• I don’t plan to grow old gracefully. I plan to have face-lifts until my ears meet.

  Rita Rudner

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Meet, Gracefully, Until

Rita Rudner (50)

Birth:	17th September, 1953
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Actress, Comedian, Writer

About

Rudner was born in Miami, Florida, the daughter of Frances, a homemaker, and Abe Rudner, a lawyer. Her mother died when she was 13. After graduating from high school at 15, Rudner left Miami and headed to New York City to embark on a career as a dancer.

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Today's Anniversary - 7th January

Births

• 1976 - Vybz Kartel
• 1958 - Donna Rice
• 1945 - Shulamith Firestone
• 1963 - Rand Paul
• 1957 - Nicholson Baker

Deaths

• 1980 - Larry Williams
• 1943 - Nikola Tesla
• 1944 - Lou Henry Hoover
• 1981 - William Feather
• 1984 - Alfred Kastler