Mark Twain Quotes

• There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.

  Mark Twain

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• The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.

  Mark Twain

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• Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.

  Mark Twain

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• He is now rising from affluence to poverty.

  Mark Twain

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• Never put off till tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow.

  Mark Twain

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• Time and tide wait for no man. A pompous and self-satisfied proverb, and was true for a billion years; but in our day of electric wires and water-ballast we turn it around: Man waits not for time nor tide.

  Mark Twain

  Topics in Progress

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• Love seems the swiftest, but it is the slowest of all growths. No man or woman really knows what perfect love is until they have been married a quarter of a century.

  Mark Twain

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• A round man cannot be expected to fit in a square hole right away. He must have time to modify his shape.

  Mark Twain

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• I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.

  Mark Twain

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• Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.

  Mark Twain

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• I have made it a rule never to smoke more that one cigar at a time.

  Mark Twain

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• It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races.

  Mark Twain

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  Tags in Diversity, Opinion, Think

• Repartee is something we think of twenty-four hours too late.

  Mark Twain

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• If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.

  Mark Twain

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• There are many scapegoats for our sins, but the most popular one is Providence.

  Mark Twain

  Topics in Religion

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• Make it a point to do something every day that you don’t want to do. This is the golden rule for acquiring the habit of doing your duty without pain.

  Mark Twain

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• A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.

  Mark Twain

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• If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.

  Mark Twain

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• Sometimes too much to drink is barely enough.

  Mark Twain

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• The inventor of their heaven empties into it all the nations of the earth, in one common jumble. All are on an equality absolute, no one of them ranking another; they have to be “brothers”; they have to mix together, pray together, harp together, hosannah together–whites, niggers, Jews, everybody–there’s no distinction. Here in the earth all nations hate each other, and every one of them hates the Jew. Yet every pious person adores that heaven and wants to get into it. He really does. And when he is in a holy rapture he thinks he thinks that if he were only there he would take all the populace to his heart, and hug, and hug, and hug!

  Letters from the Earth

  Mark Twain

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Globalism, Hatred, Heaven

Mark Twain (414)

Birth:	30th November, 1835
Death:	21st April, 1910
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Author, Humanist, Lecturer, Writer

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Today's Anniversary - 16th January

Births

• 1987 - Kaavya Viswanathan
• 1934 - Marilyn Horne
• 1947 - Laura Schlessinger
• 1874 - Robert W. Service
• 1910 - Dizzy Dean

Deaths

• 1969 - Vernon Duke
• 1985 - Robert Fitzgerald
• 1906 - Marshall Field
• 1950 - Gustav Krupp Von Bohlen Und Halbach
• 1976 - Thomas Harrison