Joan Rivers Quotes

• I’m Jewish. I don’t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over he’d’ve put diamonds on the floor.

  Joan Rivers

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• Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is God’s gift, that’s why we call it the present.

  Joan Rivers

• Yeah, I read history. But it doesn’t make you nice. Hitler read history, too.

  Joan Rivers

• There is not one female comic who was beautiful as a little girl.

  Joan Rivers

• The ideal beauty is a fugitive which is never found.

  Joan Rivers

• The first time I see a jogger smiling, I’ll consider it.

  Joan Rivers

• Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

  Joan Rivers

• She doesn’t understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.

  Joan Rivers

• Our natures are a lot like oil, mix us with anything else, and we strive to swim on top.

  Joan Rivers

• My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.

  Joan Rivers

• My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.

  Joan Rivers

• My best birth control now is just to leave the lights on.

  Joan Rivers

• It’s been so long since I’ve had s*x I’ve forgotten who ties up whom.

  Joan Rivers

• I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.

  Joan Rivers

• I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’

  Joan Rivers

• I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

  Joan Rivers

• I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

  Joan Rivers

• I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

  Joan Rivers

• I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

  Joan Rivers

• I don’t excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

  Joan Rivers

Joan Rivers (36)

Birth:	8th June, 1933
Death:	4th September, 2014
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Comedian, Talk Show Host, Writer

About

Joan Alexandra Molinsky, widely known as Joan Rivers was born in Brooklyn, New York City, New York, USA. She was an American comedian, actress, writer, film director, and talk show host. She earned a BA degree in English literature and anthropology from Barnard College in 1954. Her role in several films include: The Swimmer, Rabbit Test (also director, writer), Serial Mom, Goosed, The Intern, First Daughter, Iron Man 3, and Mostly Ghostly: Have You Met My Ghoulfriend?. Her role in television include: The Late Show (talk show host ), The Joan Rivers Show (Won- Daytime Emmy Award for Outstanding Talk Show Host in 1990), and Fashion Police (talk show host). She was nominated in 1984 for a Grammy Award for her album What Becomes a Semi-Legend Most? She was nominated in 1994 for the Tony Award for Best Actress in a Play for her performance of the title role in Sally Marr...and Her Escorts. She wrote several books include: Having a Baby Can Be a Scream, Enter talking (memoir, with Richard Meryman), Still Talking (memoir, with Richard Meryman), From Mother to Daughter, Don't Count the Candles, and Diary of a Mad Diva (Won- Grammy Award for Best Spoken Word Album for her book in 2015).

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Today's Anniversary - 26th December

Births

• 1939 - Lynn Morley Martin
• 1820 - Dion Boucicault
• 1955 - Evan Bayh
• 1954 - Ozzie Smith

Deaths

• 2004 - Reggie White
• 1945 - Bela Bartok
• 1930 - Kin Hubbard
• 1931 - Melvil Dewey
• 2005 - Kerry Packer