Joan Rivers Quotes

• I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.

  Joan Rivers

• I told my mother-in-law that my house was her house, and she said, ‘Get the hell off my property.’

  Joan Rivers

• I succeeded by saying what everyone else is thinking.

  Joan Rivers

• I have no methods; all I do is accept people as they are.

  Joan Rivers

• I have flabby thighs, but fortunately my stomach covers them.

  Joan Rivers

• I hate housework! You make the beds, you do the dishes and six months later you have to start all over again.

  Joan Rivers

• I don’t excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.

  Joan Rivers

• I blame my mother for my poor s*x life. All she told me was ‘the man goes on top and the woman underneath.’ For three years my husband and I slept in bunk beds.

  Joan Rivers

• Forty for you, sixty for me. And equal partners we will be.

  Joan Rivers

• Elizabeth Taylor has more chins than the Chinese telephone directory.

  Joan Rivers

• Don’t tell your kids you had an easy birth or they won’t respect you. For years I used to wake up my daughter and say, ‘Melissa you ripped me to shreds. Now go back to sleep.’.

  Joan Rivers

• Boy George is all England needs – another queen who can’t dress.

  Joan Rivers

• Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.

  Joan Rivers

• Diets, like clothes, should be tailored to you.

  Joan Rivers

  Tags in Diet

• Don’t follow any advice, no matter how good, until you feel as deeply in your spirit as you think in your mind that the counsel is wise.

  Joan Rivers

  Topics in Advice

• People say that money is not the key to happiness, but I always figured if you have enough money, you can have a key made.

   

   

  Joan Rivers

  Topics in Money

  Tags in Material Possessions

Joan Rivers (36)

Birth:	8th June, 1933
Death:	4th September, 2014
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Comedian, Talk Show Host, Writer

About

Joan Alexandra Molinsky, widely known as Joan Rivers was born in Brooklyn, New York City, New York, USA. She was an American comedian, actress, writer, film director, and talk show host. She earned a BA degree in English literature and anthropology from Barnard College in 1954. Her role in several films include: The Swimmer, Rabbit Test (also director, writer), Serial Mom, Goosed, The Intern, First Daughter, Iron Man 3, and Mostly Ghostly: Have You Met My Ghoulfriend?. Her role in television include: The Late Show (talk show host ), The Joan Rivers Show (Won- Daytime Emmy Award for Outstanding Talk Show Host in 1990), and Fashion Police (talk show host). She was nominated in 1984 for a Grammy Award for her album What Becomes a Semi-Legend Most? She was nominated in 1994 for the Tony Award for Best Actress in a Play for her performance of the title role in Sally Marr...and Her Escorts. She wrote several books include: Having a Baby Can Be a Scream, Enter talking (memoir, with Richard Meryman), Still Talking (memoir, with Richard Meryman), From Mother to Daughter, Don't Count the Candles, and Diary of a Mad Diva (Won- Grammy Award for Best Spoken Word Album for her book in 2015).

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Today's Anniversary - 27th December

Births

• 1930 - Wilfrid Sheed
• 1955 - Barbara Olson
• 1930 - Meg Greenfield
• 1965 - Salman Khan
• 1901 - Marlene Dietrich

Deaths

• 1938 - Zona Gale
• 1994 - Marjorie Joyner
• 2003 - Alan Bates
• 1985 - Potter Stewart