Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

• It really was written and geared for a very specific audience, but our comedic strength trumps all of that. The subject matter, the dialogue, the tone isn’t right for most of America.

  Jerry Seinfeld

• Well, birthdays are merely symbolic of how another year has gone by and how little we’ve grown. No matter how desperate we are that someday a better self will emerge, with each flicker of the candles on the cake, we know it’s not to be, that for the rest of our sad, wretched pathetic lives, this is who we are to the bitter end. Inevitably, irrevocably; happy birthday? No such thing.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Topics in Birthday

• The Four Levels of Comedy: Make your friends laugh, Make strangers laugh, Get paid to make strangers laugh, and Make people talk like you because it’s so much fun.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Tags in Comedy

• To me, if life boils down to one thing, it’s movement. To live is to keep moving.

  Jerry Seinfeld

• I think it’s funny to be delicate with subjects that are explosive.

  Jerry Seinfeld

• Make no mistake about why these babies are here – they are here to replace us.

  Jerry Seinfeld

• Men don’t care what’s on TV. They only care what else is on TV.

  Jerry Seinfeld

• A two-year old is kind of like having a blender, but you don’t have a top for it.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Topics in Children

  Tags in Babies

• There is no such thing as fun for the whole family.

  Jerry Seinfeld

• The Swiss have an interesting army. Five hundred years without a war. Pretty impressive. Also pretty lucky for them. Ever see that little Swiss Army knife they have to fight with? Not much of a weapon there. Corkscrews, Bottle openers. ‘Come on, buddy, let’s go. You get past me, the guy in back of me, he’s got a spoon. Back off. I’ve got the toe clippers right here.

  Jerry Seinfeld

• Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you’ve got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn’t your biggest problem.Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Topics in Funny

• I am so busy doing nothing… that the idea of doing anything – which as you know, always leads to something – cuts into the nothing and then forces me to have to drop everything.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Tags in Comedy

• There’s very little advice in men’s magazines, because men don’t think there’s a lot they don’t know. Women do. Women want to learn. Men think, I know what I’m doing, just show me somebody naked.

  Jerry Seinfeld

  Topics in Advice

Jerry Seinfeld (33)

Birth:	29th April, 1954
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Comedian, Producer, Screenwriter

About

Jerome Allen "Jerry" Seinfeld was born in Brooklyn, New York City, New York, USA. He is an American comedian, screenwriter and producer. In his stand-up comedy career, he is known for specializing in observational comedy, often ranting about relationships and embarrassing social situations. He earned a BA degree in communications and theater from Queens College, City University of New York. His role in several films include: Comedian (documentary film), Bee Movie (only voice, Also co-writer and producer), Quality Balls (documentary film), and Top Five. His role in television include: The Ratings Game (TV film), Seinfeld (TV series, also co-creator, writer and executive producer, Won- American Comedy Award for Funniest Male Performer in a TV Series: 1992-1993, Primetime Emmy Award for Outstanding Comedy Series-1993, Screen Actors Guild Award for Outstanding Performance by an Ensemble in a Comedy Series: 1994, 1996-1997, Golden Globe Award for Best Actor- Television Series Musical or Comedy-1993), The Marriage Ref (reality and panel show, also producer), and Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee (talk show, also creator, host, and executive producer). He married Jessica Sklar in 1999. They have three children.

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Today's Anniversary - 14th November

Births

• 1904 - Dick Powell
• 1972 - Josh Duhamel
• 1922 - Veronica Lake
• 1971 - Vikas Khanna
• 1962 - Josh Silver

Deaths

• 1991 - Tony Richardson
• 1946 - May Sinclair
• 2000 - Robert Trout
• 1915 - Booker T. Washington
• 2008 - Kristin Hunter