Jay London Quotes

• My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

  Jay London

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Girlfriend, Personality, Dating

• It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.

  Jay London

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Getting, Over, Minute

• I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I’m watching the highlights.

  Jay London

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Morning, Watching

• My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.

  Jay London

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Would, Mood

• You know what burns me? Matches.

  Jay London

• They asked me what I thought about euthanasia. I said I’m more concerned about the adults.

  Jay London

• People read me but they don’t subscribe.

  Jay London

• My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can’t say cheese.

  Jay London

• My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.

  Jay London

• My boss told me to get my butt in gear. I told him I was shiftless.

  Jay London

• I’m on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.

  Jay London

• I’m convinced my cockroaches have military training, I set off a roach bomb – they diffused it.

  Jay London

• I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.

  Jay London

• I went to a urologist – he told me I could go at any time.

  Jay London

• I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling.

  Jay London

• I went out with a promiscuous impressionist – she did everybody.

  Jay London

• I was lonely driving here tonight so I hugged the road.

  Jay London

• I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.

  Jay London

• I was born nine months premature.

  Jay London

• I wanted to join the Army the sign said ‘Be All That You Can Be’, they told me it wasn’t enough.

  Jay London

Jay London (35)

Birth:	12th September, 1966
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Comedian

About

Jay London was born in The Bronx, New York City, New York, USA. He is an American stand-up comedian, whose one-liner jokes made him a favorite on NBC's Last Comic Standing. He was a boxer and a taxicab driver, among other occupations, before becoming a stand-up comic in the 1980s.

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Today's Anniversary - 28th April

Births

• 1948 - Terry Pratchett
• 1946 - Kit Williams
• 1921 - Simin Daneshvar
• 1928 - Yves Klein
• 1970 - Bridget Moynahan

Deaths

• 1984 - Sylvia Ashton Warner
• 1923 - Knute Nelson
• 1853 - Ludwig Tieck
• 2002 - Lou Thesz
• 1954 - Leon Jouhaux