Henny Youngman Quotes

• I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.

  Henny Youngman

  Topics in Money

• When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

  Henny Youngman

  Tags in Medical

• She’s been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

  Henny Youngman

  Topics in Wedding

  Tags in Marriage

• This man used to go to school with his dog. Then they were separated. His dog graduated!

  Henny Youngman

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in School, With

• Don’t move! I want to forget you just the way you are.

  Henny Youngman

  Tags in Thank-yous, Closures

• I don’t fly on account of my religion. I’m a devout coward.

  Henny Youngman

  Topics in Religion

• I know what I’m giving up for Lent: my New Year’s resolutions.

  Henny Youngman

  Topics in Religion

• I wanted to become an atheist but I gave it up. They have no holidays.

  Henny Youngman

  Topics in Religion

• My brother-in-law had to give up his last job because of illness. His boss became sick of him.

  Henny Youngman

  Topics in Work

  Tags in Professions

• The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

  Henny Youngman

  Tags in Companionship

• You can’t buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.

  Henny Youngman

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Beginning

• Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house, that’s what it means.

  Henny Youngman

  Topics in Funny, Love

  Tags in Tenderness, Affection, Houses, Men And Women, Meaning, Relationships, Women

Henny Youngman (52)

Birth:	16th March, 1906
Death:	24th February, 1998
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Comedian, Violinist

About

Henry "Henny" Youngman was born in London, England. He was an American comedian and violinist famous for his mastery of the "one-liner". His role in several films include: A Wave, a WAC and a Marine, The Gore Gore Girls, Silent Movie, Amazon Women on the Moon, and Goodfellas.

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Today's Anniversary - 25th November

Births

• 1936 - William McIlvanney
• 1896 - Virgil Thomson
• 1869 - Ben Lindsey
• 1870 - Maurice Denis
• 1881 - Pope John XXIII

Deaths

• 1974 - U Thant
• 1998 - Nelson Goodman
• 1973 - Laurence Harvey
• 1970 - Yukio Mishima
• 2002 - Karel Reisz