Henny Youngman Quotes

• You look like a talent scout for a cemetery.

  Henny Youngman

• You have a ready wit. Tell me when it’s ready.

  Henny Youngman

• You have a nice personality, but not for a human being.

  Henny Youngman

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Personality, Human

• Why don’t Jews drink? It interferes with their suffering.

  Henny Youngman

• Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.

  Henny Youngman

• Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They’re worth it.

  Henny Youngman

• While playing golf today I hit two good balls. I stepped on a rake.

  Henny Youngman

• When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.

  Henny Youngman

• When God sneezed, I didn’t know what to say.

  Henny Youngman

• What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.

  Henny Youngman

• Those two are a fastidious couple. She’s fast and he’s hideous.

  Henny Youngman

• This is an elegant hotel! Room service has an unlisted number.

  Henny Youngman

• There was a girl knocking on my hotel room door all night! Finally, I let her out.

  Henny Youngman

• The horse I bet on was so slow, the jockey kept a diary of the trip.

  Henny Youngman

• That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!

  Henny Youngman

• Take my wife… Please!

  Henny Youngman

• Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.

  Henny Youngman

• She’s a big-hearted girl with hips to match.

  Henny Youngman

• She has a wash and wear bridal gown.

  Henny Youngman

• My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.

  Henny Youngman

Henny Youngman (52)

Birth:	16th March, 1906
Death:	24th February, 1998
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Comedian, Violinist

About

Henry "Henny" Youngman was born in London, England. He was an American comedian and violinist famous for his mastery of the "one-liner". His role in several films include: A Wave, a WAC and a Marine, The Gore Gore Girls, Silent Movie, Amazon Women on the Moon, and Goodfellas.

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Today's Anniversary - 24th November

Births

• 1934 - Alfred Schnittke
• 1942 - Marlin Fitzwater
• 1632 - Baruch Spinoza
• 1925 - Simon Van Der Meer
• 1935 - Ron Dellums

Deaths

• 2005 - Pat Morita
• 2004 - Warren Spahn
• 1807 - Joseph Brant
• 1963 - Lee Harvey Oswald
• 1991 - Paul Charles Caravello