Henny Youngman Quotes

• How to drive a guy crazy: send him a telegram and on the top put ‘page 2.’

  Henny Youngman

• A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.

  Henny Youngman

• A Jewish woman had two chickens. One got sick, so the woman made chicken soup out of the other one to help the sick one get well.

  Henny Youngman

• A doctor gave a man six months to live. The man couldn’t pay his bill, so he gave him another six months.

  Henny Youngman

• I’ve got all the money I’ll ever need, if I die by four o’clock.

  Henny Youngman

  Topics in Money

• When I told my doctor I couldn’t afford an operation, he offered to touch-up my X-rays.

  Henny Youngman

  Tags in Medical

• Don’t move! I want to forget you just the way you are.

  Henny Youngman

  Tags in Thank-yous, Closures

• I don’t fly on account of my religion. I’m a devout coward.

  Henny Youngman

  Topics in Religion

• I know what I’m giving up for Lent: my New Year’s resolutions.

  Henny Youngman

  Topics in Religion

• I wanted to become an atheist but I gave it up. They have no holidays.

  Henny Youngman

  Topics in Religion

• My brother-in-law had to give up his last job because of illness. His boss became sick of him.

  Henny Youngman

  Topics in Work

  Tags in Professions

• The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

  Henny Youngman

  Tags in Companionship

Henny Youngman (52)

Birth:	16th March, 1906
Death:	24th February, 1998
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Comedian, Violinist

About

Henry "Henny" Youngman was born in London, England. He was an American comedian and violinist famous for his mastery of the "one-liner". His role in several films include: A Wave, a WAC and a Marine, The Gore Gore Girls, Silent Movie, Amazon Women on the Moon, and Goodfellas.

Related Authors

• Cloris Leachman
• Arsenio Hall
• Dewey Markham
• Dawn French
• Tony Hancock
• Estelle Getty
• Steve Martin
• John Waters
• Stewart Francis
• Sid Caesar

Advertisement

Today's Anniversary - 25th November

Births

• 1905 - Patrick Arthur Devlin
• 1880 - Leonard Woolf
• 1915 - Augusto Pinochet
• 1869 - Ben Lindsey
• 1924 - Paul Desmond

Deaths

• 1974 - U Thant
• 1998 - Nelson Goodman
• 1973 - Laurence Harvey
• 1970 - Yukio Mishima
• 2002 - Karel Reisz