Groucho Marx Quotes

• Wives are people who feel they don’t dance enough.

  Groucho Marx

• Why should I care about posterity? What’s posterity ever done for me?

  Groucho Marx

• Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can’t make head nor tail out of it.

  Groucho Marx

• Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

  Groucho Marx

• Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

  Groucho Marx

• Well, Art is Art, isn’t it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And east is east and west is west and if you take cranberries and stew them like applesauce they taste much more like prunes than rhubarb does. Now you tell me what you know.

  Groucho Marx

• Those are my principles, and if you don’t like them… well, I have others.

  Groucho Marx

  Topics in Humor

• There’s one way to find out if a man is honest – ask him. If he says, “Yes,” you know he is a crook.

  Groucho Marx

• The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

  Groucho Marx

  Topics in Humor, Life

• The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These are wonderful words. This life, to which neither time nor eternity can bring diminution – this everlasting living soul, began. My mind loses itself in these depths.

  Groucho Marx

• Room service? Send up a larger room.

  Groucho Marx

  Topics in Humor

• Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

  Groucho Marx

• Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

  Groucho Marx

• Please accept my resignation. I don’t care to belong to any club that will have me as a member.

  Groucho Marx

  Topics in Humor

• Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.

  Groucho Marx

  Topics in Friendship, Humor

  Tags in Book, Books

• One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I’ll never know.

  Groucho Marx

  Topics in Humor

• No man goes before his time – unless the boss leaves early.

  Groucho Marx

• Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

  Groucho Marx

  Topics in Humor

• My mother loved children – she would have given anything if I had been one.

  Groucho Marx

• My favourite poem is the one that starts ‘Thirty days hath September’ because it actually tells you something.

  Groucho Marx

Groucho Marx (89)

Birth:	2nd October, 1890
Death:	19th August, 1977
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Comedian, Writer

About

Groucho Marx was an American comedian and film and television star. He was known as a master of quick wit and widely considered one of the best comedians of the modern era. His rapid-fire, often impromptu delivery of innuendo-laden patter earned him many admirers and imitators. He made 13 feature films with his siblings the Marx Brothers, of whom he was the third-born. He also had a successful solo career, most notably as the host of the radio and television game show You Bet Your Life.

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Today's Anniversary - 26th December

Births

• 1890 - Robert Ripley
• 1939 - Lynn Morley Martin
• 1904 - Alejo Carpentier
• 1751 - Lord George Gordon
• 1921 - Steve Allen

Deaths

• 2011 - Samuel Carthorne Rivers
• 1945 - Bela Bartok
• 2005 - Kerry Packer
• 1931 - Melvil Dewey
• 2004 - Reggie White