George Carlin Quotes

• May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.

  George Carlin

  Topics in Humor, Inspirational

  Tags in Evil, Forces

• Religion has convinced people that there’s an invisible man is living in the sky. Who watches everything you do every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a list of ten specific things he doesn’t want you to do. And if you do any of these things, he will send you to a special place, of burning and fire and smoke and torture and anguish for you to live forever, and suffer, and suffer, and burn, and scream, until the end of time. But he loves you. He loves you. He loves you and he needs money.

  George Carlin

  Topics in Humor, Religion

  Tags in Humorous

• Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

  George Carlin

  Topics in Humor

  Tags in Yourself, Noticed, Maniacs

• Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.

  George Carlin

  Topics in Truth

  Tags in Women

• Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?

  George Carlin

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Crime, Fighters, Freedom

• The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.

  George Carlin

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Flame, Existence

• I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.

  George Carlin

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Pope, Authority

• I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven’t tried that for a while. Maybe this time it’ll work.

  George Carlin

  Topics in Work

  Tags in People

• I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer’s disease where they slowly began to recover other people’s lost memories.

  George Carlin

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in People, Diseases

• Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

  George Carlin

  Topics in Funny

• Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things.

  George Carlin

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Sweaty, Things

• I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.

  George Carlin

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Professional, Building

• Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

  George Carlin

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Atheism, Organization

• Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.

  George Carlin

  Topics in Death

• Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.

  George Carlin

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Futility, Things

• At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.

  George Carlin

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Party, Person

• Always do whatever’s next.

  George Carlin

  Topics in Advice

• By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth.

  George Carlin

  Topics in Truth

  Tags in Language

• There’s no present. There’s only the immediate future and the recent past.

  George Carlin

  Topics in Future

  Tags in Immediate

• Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that.

  George Carlin

  Topics in Dream

  Tags in People

George Carlin (90)

Birth:	12th May, 1937
Death:	22nd June, 2008
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Actor, Author, Comedian, Critic, Producer

About

George Denis Patrick Carlin was born in Manhattan, New York, USA. He was an American stand-up comedian, social critic, actor, author, and producer. He was noted for his black comedy and his thoughts on politics, the English language, psychology, religion, and various taboo subjects. His role in several films include: With Six You Get Eggroll, Car Wash, Outrageous Fortune, Working Tra$h, The Prince of Tides, Dogma, Scary Movie 3, and Jersey Girl. He wrote several books include: Sometimes a Little Brain Damage Can Help, Brain Droppings, Napalm and Silly Putty, and Three Times Carlin. His albums list shown below: You Are All Diseased, Back in Town, A Place for My Stuff, Playin' with Your Head, Take-Offs and Put-Ons, On the Road, Carlin on Campus, and Classic Gold.

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Today's Anniversary - 14th April

Births

• 1965 - Yukihiro Matsumoto
• 1941 - Peter Edward Rose Sr.
• 1977 - Sarah Michelle Gellar
• 1973 - Adrien Brody
• 1925 - Rod Steiger

Deaths

• 1930 - Vladimir Mayakovsky
• 2012 - Jonathan Frid
• 1685 - Thomas Otway
• 2010 - Alice Miller
• 1986 - Simone de Beauvoir