Erma Bombeck Quotes

• Never order food in excess of your body weight.

  Erma Bombeck

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Never, Food

• Like religion, politics, and family planning, cereal is not a topic to be brought up in public. It’s too controversial.

  Erma Bombeck

  Topics in Family, Politics

  Tags in Like

• We’ve got a generation now who were born with semiequality. They don’t know how it was before, so they think, this isn’t too bad. We’re working. We have our attache’ cases and our three piece suits. I get very disgusted with the younger generation of women. We had a torch to pass, and they are just sitting there. They don’t realize it can be taken away. Things are going to have to get worse before they join in fighting the battle.

  Erma Bombeck

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Feminism, Women

• Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It’s like stealing a two-year-old.

  Erma Bombeck

• When a child is locked in the bathroom with water running and he says he’s doing nothing but the dog is barking, call 911.

  Erma Bombeck

• What’s with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

  Erma Bombeck

• There’s something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she’s only measured water in it.

  Erma Bombeck

• There is one thing I have never taught my body how to do and that is to figure out at 6 A.M. what it wants to eat at 6 P.M.

  Erma Bombeck

• There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.

  Erma Bombeck

• The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.

  Erma Bombeck

• Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

  Erma Bombeck

• Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people’s children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.

  Erma Bombeck

• Someone once threw me a small, brown, hairy kiwi fruit, and I threw a wastebasket over it until it was dead.

  Erma Bombeck

• Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It’s gossip.

  Erma Bombeck

• People shop for a bathing suit with more care than they do a husband or wife. The rules are the same. Look for something you’ll feel comfortable wearing. Allow for room to grow.

  Erma Bombeck

• Onion rings in the car cushions do not improve with time.

  Erma Bombeck

• One thing they never tell you about child raising is that for the rest of your life, at the drop of a hat, you are expected to know your child’s name and how old he or she is.

  Erma Bombeck

• Once you get a spice in your home, you have it forever. Women never throw out spices. The Egyptians were buried with their spices. I know which one I’m taking with me when I go.

  Erma Bombeck

• On vacations: We hit the sunny beaches where we occupy ourselves keeping the sun off our skin, the saltwater off our bodies, and the sand out of our belongings.

  Erma Bombeck

• No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.

  Erma Bombeck

Erma Bombeck (80)

Birth:	21st February, 1927
Death:	22nd April, 1996
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Columnist, Humorist, Writer

About

Erma Louise Bombeck was born in Bellbrook, Ohio, USA. She was an American humorist, columnist, and writer who achieved great popularity for her newspaper column that described suburban home life from the mid-1960s until the late 1990s. She also published 15 books, most of which became bestsellers. From 1965 to 1996, she wrote over 4,000 newspaper columns. By the 1970s, her columns were read twice-weekly by 30 million readers of the 900 newspapers in the U.S. and Canada. She graduated in 1949 with a degree in English. She was also writing for Good Housekeeping Magazine, Reader's Digest, Family Circle, Redbook, McCall's, and even Teen magazine. She wrote several books include: At Wit's End, The Grass Is Always Greener over the Septic Tank, Aunt Erma's Cope Book, Motherhood: The Second Oldest Profession, and A Marriage Made in Heaven: Or Too Tired for an Affair.

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