David Letterman Quotes

• No one knows if Saddam is still alive. They keep showing old footage of him on TV saying that it’s live. You know, it’s like the same thing we do with Dick Cheney.

  David Letterman

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Live

• People say New Yorkers can’t get along. Not true. I saw two New Yorkers, complete strangers, sharing a cab. One guy took the tires and the radio; the other guy took the engine.

  David Letterman

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in True

• President Bush has said that he does not need approval from the UN to wage war, and I’m thinking, well, hell, he didn’t need the approval of the American voters to become president, either.

  David Letterman

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Think, War

• President Bush has been silent on Schwarzenegger. Of course, he can’t pronounce Schwarzenegger.

  David Letterman

  Topics in Uncategorized

• President Bush says he needs a month off to unwind. Unwind? When the hell does this guy wind?

  David Letterman

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in President

• The big debate right now is if Saddam is alive or dead. He’s dead, then he’s alive, then dead, then alive. It’s just confusing. Today they showed videotape, and Saddam was speaking at his own funeral.

  David Letterman

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Dead

• There is no off position on the genius switch.

  David Letterman

  Topics in Genius

• The weather here is gorgeous. It’s mild and feels like it’s in the eighties. The hot dog vendors got confused because of the weather and thought it was spring, so they accidentally changed the hot dog water in their carts.

  David Letterman

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Confused

• The White House is giving George W. Bush intelligence briefings. You know, some of these jokes just write themselves.

  David Letterman

  Topics in Intelligence

• The worst tempered people I have ever met were those who knew that they were wrong.

  David Letterman

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in People

• Traffic signals in New York are just rough guidelines.

  David Letterman

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Traffic

• USA Today has come out with a new survey – apparently, three out of every four people make up 75% of the population.

  David Letterman

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Population

• We have defeated Saddam Hussein and Iraq. The good news is Iraq is ours, and the bad news is Iraq is ours.

  David Letterman

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Good

• We inadvertently bombed the Chinese Embassy. But Clinton now is working very hard. He has sent a letter of apology to the Chinese. And, he’s also given them a gift certificate for future nuclear secrets.

  David Letterman

  Topics in Future, Work

• We make a lot of fun at President Clinton’s expense. But this transition is going to be tough because it’s been 25 years since this guy has gotten laid in the private sector.

  David Letterman

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Fun

• Wherever we’ve travelled in this great land of ours, we’ve found that people everywhere are about 90% water.

  David Letterman

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in People, Great

• Yesterday Senator John Kerry changed his mind and now supports the ban on gay marriages. I’m telling you this guy has more positions than Paris Hilton.

  David Letterman

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Mind

• There’s no business like show business, but there are several businesses like accounting.

  David Letterman

  Topics in Business, Uncategorized

  Tags in Like

• I cannot sing, dance or act; what else would I be but a talk show host.

  David Letterman

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Dance, Else, Show

David Letterman (39)

Birth:	12th April, 1947
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Talk Show Host

About

David Michael Letterman was born in Indianapolis, Indiana. He is an American former talk show host. He hosted a late night television talk show for 33 years, beginning with the February 1, 1982, debut of Late Night with David Letterman on NBC, and ending with the May 20, 2015, broadcast of the Late Show with David Letterman on CBS. In total, Letterman hosted 6,028 episodes of Late Night and Late Show, surpassing friend and mentor Johnny Carson as the longest-serving late night talk show host in American television history.

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Births

• 1879 - Leon Trotsky
• 1978 - Rio Ferdinand
• 1932 - Dick Stuart
• 1942 - Tom Peters
• 1988 - Alexandr Dolgopolov

Deaths

• 1990 - Lawrence Durrell
• 1980 - Steve McQueen
• 1992 - Alexander Dubcek
• 1913 - Alfred Russel Wallace
• 1981 - Will Durant