Dave Barry Quotes

• Don’t you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don’t even have to be true!

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Writing

• Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

  Dave Barry

• Camping is nature’s way of promoting the motel business.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor

• Bill Gates is a very rich man today… and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.

  Dave Barry

• Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.

  Dave Barry

• As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

  Dave Barry

• And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West.

  Dave Barry

• American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.

  Dave Barry

• Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor

• A person who is nice to you but is not nice to the waiter is not a nice person.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Behavior

• Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Sports

• We’ll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

  Dave Barry

  Tags in Patriotism

• The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Technology

• Bill Gates is a very rich man today… and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Technology

• Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Life

  Tags in Anything, Dies

• The four building blocks of the universe are fire, water, gravel and vinyl.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Building, Block

• Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor

  Tags in Like, Rice

• The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Computer

• I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Computer

• Auto racing is boring except when a car is going at least 172 miles per hour upside down.

  Dave Barry

  Tags in Car

Dave Barry (86)

Birth:	3rd July, 1947
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Columnist, Humorist, Novelist, Writer

About

David McAlister "Dave" Barry was born in Armonk, New York. He is a Pulitzer Prize-winning American columnist, novelist, humorist and writer, who wrote a nationally syndicated humor column for The Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005. He has also written numerous books of humor and parody, as well as comedic novels. He began his journalism career in 1971, working as a general assignment reporter for the Daily Local News in West Chester, Pennsylvania, near his alma mater, Haverford College. He earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in English from Haverford College in 1969. Barry's first novel, Big Trouble, was published in 1999.

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