Dave Barry Quotes

• The problem with winter sports is that – follow me closely here – they generally take place in winter.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor, Sports

  Tags in Problem, Place

• The only kind of seafood I trust is the fish stick, a totally featureless fish that doesn’t have eyeballs or fins.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Trust

• The nuclear generator of brain sludge is television.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Television

• The major parties could conduct live human sacrifices on their podiums during prime time, and I doubt that anybody would notice.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Time, Live

• The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Death, Humor

  Tags in Fashion

• Skiers view snowboarders as a menace; snowboarders view skiers as Elmer Fudd.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in View

• Sharks are as tough as those football fans who take their shirts off during games in Chicago in January, only more intelligent.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Football, Tough

• Scientists now believe that the primary biological function of breasts is to make males stupid.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Biologically

• People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Religious, Beer

• Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Christmas

• Not all chemicals are bad. Without chemicals such as hydrogen and oxygen, for example, there would be no way to make water, a vital ingredient in beer.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Bad

• Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Dance, Nobody

• Newspaper readership is declining like crazy. In fact, there’s a good chance that nobody is reading my column.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Good, Chance

• Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor

  Tags in Circumstances

• Never assume that the guy understands that you and he have a relationship.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Relationship

• My problem with chess was that all my pieces wanted to end the game as soon as possible.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Game, Problem

• Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Powerful, Physics, Force

• It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Art, Money

  Tags in Personal

• It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells… to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor

  Tags in Fact, Rain

• It always rains on tents. Rainstorms will travel thousands of miles, against prevailing winds for the opportunity to rain on a tent.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Travel, Rain

Dave Barry (86)

Birth:	3rd July, 1947
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Columnist, Humorist, Novelist, Writer

About

David McAlister "Dave" Barry was born in Armonk, New York. He is a Pulitzer Prize-winning American columnist, novelist, humorist and writer, who wrote a nationally syndicated humor column for The Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005. He has also written numerous books of humor and parody, as well as comedic novels. He began his journalism career in 1971, working as a general assignment reporter for the Daily Local News in West Chester, Pennsylvania, near his alma mater, Haverford College. He earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in English from Haverford College in 1969. Barry's first novel, Big Trouble, was published in 1999.

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Today's Anniversary - 15th November

Births

• 1738 - William Herschel
• 1976 - Virginie LeDoyen
• 1887 - Marianne Moore
• 1991 - W. Averell Harriman
• 1939 - Yaphet Kotto

Deaths

• 1982 - Vinoba Bhave
• 1954 - Lionel Barrymore
• 1917 - Oswald J. Chambers
• 1996 - Alger Hiss
• 1958 - Tyrone Power