Dave Barry Quotes

• Life is anything that dies when you stomp on it.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Life

  Tags in Anything, Dies

• Your first job is to prepare the soil. The best tool for this is your neighbor’s garden tiller. If your neighbor does not own a garden tiller, suggest that he buy one.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Garden

• I was a young person once, shortly after the polar ice caps retreated, and I distinctly recall believing that virtually all adults were clueless goobers.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Adulthood

• I am not the only person who uses his computer mainly for the purpose of diddling with his computer.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Computer

• The Internet: transforming society and shaping the future through chat.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Computer

• Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Christmas

• Geographically, Ireland is a medium-sized rural island that is slowly but steadily being consumed by sheep.

  Dave Barry

• For me, the worst part of playing golf, by far, has always been hitting the ball.

  Dave Barry

• Fishing is boring, unless you catch an actual fish, and then it is disgusting.

  Dave Barry

• Eugene is located in western Oregon, approximately 278 billion miles from anything.

  Dave Barry

• ‘Escargot’ is French for ‘fat crawling bag of phlegm’.

  Dave Barry

• Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing right in your ear.

  Dave Barry

• Bill Gates is a very rich man today… and do you want to know why? The answer is one word: versions.

  Dave Barry

• Big business never pays a nickel in taxes, according to Ralph Nader, who represents a big consumer organization that never pays a nickel in taxes.

  Dave Barry

• As a child, I was more afraid of tetanus shots than, for example, Dracula.

  Dave Barry

• And so by the fifteenth century, on October 8, the Europeans were looking for a new place to try to get to, and they came up with a new concept: the West.

  Dave Barry

• American consumers have no problem with carcinogens, but they will not purchase any product, including floor wax, that has fat in it.

  Dave Barry

• Skiing combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Sports

• We’ll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

  Dave Barry

  Tags in Patriotism

• The Internet is the most important single development in the history of human communication since the invention of call waiting.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Technology

Dave Barry (86)

Birth:	3rd July, 1947
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Columnist, Humorist, Novelist, Writer

About

David McAlister "Dave" Barry was born in Armonk, New York. He is a Pulitzer Prize-winning American columnist, novelist, humorist and writer, who wrote a nationally syndicated humor column for The Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005. He has also written numerous books of humor and parody, as well as comedic novels. He began his journalism career in 1971, working as a general assignment reporter for the Daily Local News in West Chester, Pennsylvania, near his alma mater, Haverford College. He earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in English from Haverford College in 1969. Barry's first novel, Big Trouble, was published in 1999.

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Today's Anniversary - 15th November

Births

• 1953 - Alexander O'Neal
• 1932 - Petula Clark
• 1939 - Yaphet Kotto
• 1931 - Mwai Kibaki
• 1976 - Virginie LeDoyen

Deaths

• 1982 - Vinoba Bhave
• 1950 - Agnes Repplier
• 1998 - Stokely Carmichael
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• 1917 - Oswald J. Chambers