Dave Barry Quotes

• 

  Nobody cares if you can’t dance well. Just get up and dance.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Dance, Nobody

• We don’t shoot somebody soon, I’m gonna forget how.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Funny

• If you were to open up a baby’s head – and I am not for a moment suggesting that you should – you would find nothing but an enormous drool gland.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor

  Tags in Suggesting

• I would not know how I am supposed to feel about many stories if not for the fact that the TV news personalities make sad faces for sad stories and happy faces for happy stories.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor, Sad

  Tags in Happy, Fact

• Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today it’s open to anybody who owns hideous clothing.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor

• Hobbies of any kind are boring except to people who have the same hobby. This is also true of religion, although you will not find me saying so in print.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor, Religion

• If God had wanted us to be concerned for the plight of the toads, he would have made them cute and furry.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor

  Tags in Made, Wanted

• Eating rice cakes is like chewing on a foam coffee cup, only less filling.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor

  Tags in Like, Rice

• Camping is nature’s way of promoting the motel business.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor

• Have you noticed that whatever sport you’re trying to learn, some earnest person is always telling you to keep your knees bent?

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor

  Tags in Person

• Gravity is a contributing factor in nearly 73 percent of all accidents involving falling objects.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor

• Panicky despair is an underrated element of writing.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Funny

  Tags in Writing

• The leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Death, Humor

  Tags in Fashion

• The problem with winter sports is that – follow me closely here – they generally take place in winter.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor, Sports

  Tags in Problem, Place

• Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor

  Tags in Circumstances

• If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be ‘meetings.’

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor

  Tags in Human, Reason

• It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells… to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor

  Tags in Fact, Rain

• Don’t you wish you had a job like mine? All you have to do is think up a certain number of words! Plus, you can repeat words! And they don’t even have to be true!

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Uncategorized

  Tags in Writing

• You can only be young once. But you can always be immature.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Humor

  Tags in Young

• I believe that we parents must encourage our children to become educated, so they can get into a good college that we cannot afford.

  Dave Barry

  Topics in Children

  Tags in Good, Believe

Dave Barry (86)

Birth:	3rd July, 1947
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Columnist, Humorist, Novelist, Writer

About

David McAlister "Dave" Barry was born in Armonk, New York. He is a Pulitzer Prize-winning American columnist, novelist, humorist and writer, who wrote a nationally syndicated humor column for The Miami Herald from 1983 to 2005. He has also written numerous books of humor and parody, as well as comedic novels. He began his journalism career in 1971, working as a general assignment reporter for the Daily Local News in West Chester, Pennsylvania, near his alma mater, Haverford College. He earned a Bachelor of Arts degree in English from Haverford College in 1969. Barry's first novel, Big Trouble, was published in 1999.

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Today's Anniversary - 28th March

Births

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Deaths

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