Alan Whitney Brown Quotes

• A group of white South Africans recently killed a black lawyer because he was black. That was wrong. They should have killed him because he was a lawyer.

  Alan Whitney Brown

  Topics in Racism

  Tags in Law And Lawyers, Killing

• Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

  Alan Whitney Brown

• Waterboarding — that’s what America does to its prisoners now. Dunking them in water until they confess. Of course, you have to remember — we uncovered a lot of witches that way. So, credit where credit is due.

  Alan Whitney Brown

• My Grandmother told me that there was a passage in the bible that says, “It is better to spill your seed in the belly of a whore, than to spill it on the ground.” So, I tried both. And the bible’s right! It’s way better. That’s one of the reasons they call it the good book.

  Alan Whitney Brown

• There are a billion people in China. It’s not easy to be an individual in a crowd of more than a billion people. Think of it. More than a BILLION people. That means even if you’re a one-in-a-million type of guy, there are still a thousand guys exactly like you.

  Alan Whitney Brown

• I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.

  Alan Whitney Brown

  Topics in Society

• That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

  Alan Whitney Brown

• The past actually happened but history is only what someone wrote down.

  Alan Whitney Brown

  Topics in Past

• I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.

  Alan Whitney Brown

  Topics in Humor

• I’m not an athiest. How can you not believe in something that doesn’t exist? That’s way too convoluted for me.

  Alan Whitney Brown

  Tags in Humanism, Atheism

Alan Whitney Brown (10)

Birth:	8th July, 1952
Nationality:	American
Profession:	Comedian, Writer

About

Born in Charlotte, Michigan, Brown began his career as a street juggler, and became a stand-up comedian after entering the 1975 San Francisco Comedy Competition. He became a member of the Writer's Guild when he was hired by Lorne Michaels to join the writing staff of Saturday Night Live in 1985; he was also a featured performer. He left for personal reasons six years later. He worked briefly for the liberal radio network Air America Radio during its start-up period in early 2004 and remains active in online political discourse.
On March 4, 2011, Brown married Carolyn Wonderland, a blues singer and guitarist, in Austin, Texas. The marriage was officiated by ex-Monkee Michael Nesmith.

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